To The Heartless Coward Who Took It To My Mother

4 Oct

I’m not sure where to begin. By and large, as far as I can tell or track it across the internet, the response to my blog has been positive. Though I haven’t written many posts, I have put a lot of myself into what’s there, and I think people respect my honesty and willingness to share my incredibly unique perspectives. The most amazing aspect of the entire process has been watching the spiderweb of sharing as friends of friends share my posts with their friends. I can’t see where it’s going, and I definitely can’t track it past my own blog, but I can see the number of times it’s been shared, and it truly humbles me.

One of my number one sharers has been my mom. She is so phenomenally proud of me! I know because she tells me so constantly. The crazy lady even went as far as to share my post about marrying my best friend on George freakin’ Takei’s facebook!! She is one very proud mama. Anybody who ever talks to her knows that her children are her pride and joy and among her greatest accomplishments in life (although I’m sure she’s going to argue with me later when she reads this and tell me we ARE her greatest accomplishments, personally I feel the PhD counts a bit, too).

So why on Earth someone who has known her for twelve years, and witnessed (albeit mostly through pictures and stories) my own transformation from bubbly, pudgy, active, outgoing young woman, to timid, agoraphobic, frail, mostly-bedridden woman, would feel the need to insult, disrespect, and hurt my mother…I cannot fathom. And yet, it happened this morning. A delightful woman tried to get my mom to agree with her politically, which my mom didn’t and instead shared my blog as an example of why she feels as she does. Instead of respectfully disagreeing, this woman got nasty and cruel. Mom won’t tell me exactly what was said, but the “clean” version is that she told my mother I “wasn’t sick enough to deserve SSDI”, also saying that Social Security was a drain on the system and therefore so was I. She also equated my engagement to my best friend of twenty years to marrying a dog.

Whether or not that’s how she felt, I don’t know on what planet it is EVER acceptable to be that cruel, or to attack a mother’s love and pride of their children. We all meet people that we don’t really like, or whose lifestyles we don’t necessarily agree with, but that disagreement doesn’t give ANYBODY the right to be cruel! Needless to say, by the time I woke up this morning, several hours after this exchange had happened, my mother was utterly and completely crushed.

I had some rather choice words for that woman on my personal Facebook page, which I won’t repeat here, except for this part. I wish I had your address so I could write this out in my own hand and mail it to you, so you could physically hold my words and let them touch you. Better yet, I wish I had the strength to come to your house and say it to your face. But I don’t. So this will have to suffice.

To the coward who took it upon herself to do this stupid, heartless thing, I wish you only this:
Perfect, unending health for you and all your loved ones. Because clearly you come from the kind of family that would turn their backs on you if you ever became as chronically ill as I have. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family and friends who will do everything in their power to help me, but I get the feeling all you’ve got is your money. Medical bills suck up money like a desert to a cup of water, and even if it didn’t…. a stack of twenties ain’t gonna hold your hand when you’re scared in the hospital, sweetheart.

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7 Responses to “To The Heartless Coward Who Took It To My Mother”

  1. Matt October 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    Some people suck very very much, Mae. And whoever thinks that mean school bullies grow up to become normal nice people once they “grow out of it” is either deluded or lying. They’re everywhere. Don’t let them control your emotions and make you or your loved ones feel bad. I know, I know, it’s difficult to the point of impossibility, but remember that thousands of people are going to have these mean-spirited thoughts and feelings. One or two of them were gonna slip through eventually. And while that doesn’t make it right or better, remember how many MORE people are surrounding you with thoughts and words of love and support. It sometimes makes it easier to spot the bad apple when so many good things happen (I’m referring specifically to how happy you’ve been about the positivity surrounding your “I’m Marrying My Best Friend” post for a few weeks).

    Bad news: Words hurt more than most injuries. (Except splinters under fingernails. Damn, I feel icky just thinking about it.)

    Good news: They’re also just hot air spewed by somebody you’ll never know. The hard part is staying as positive as you can for your own sake and for the sake of those you DO care about. There’s a very sad but very heartening thing I once heard by a guy who was helplessly in love with a girl who was never going to fall for him. And I’m paraphrasing. “It’s my love. It’s something that will always be mine and nobody can take it away from me, even her.”

    Don’t allow anybody else to make you feel bad. That’s their problem. The best revenge is loving out loud.

    • Sally-Rouge October 4, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

      I know, I do. And I deeply appreciate your saying so, because it does help. I guess I just feel a little foolish for never considering that the backlash might not be aimed at me but at my family instead. I was a big enough girl to put it on the internet, I figured people would think I was a big enough girl to say it to MY face, not go crying to my mommy about how they don’t like the way I’m living my life.

      I guess school yard bullies never really grow up or change, huh?

      And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go write this all down. I just had a brilliant flash about how this plays into the psychology of one of our antagonists and I don’t want to lose it! 😉

  2. Kirsten Houseknecht October 4, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

    commented on FB but…
    “anyone who says someone on SSDI isnt “sick enough” to get it ? obviously has no clue what getting disability entails… how many tests, how many doctors, how many reviews… how many experts FROM THE SSDI have to approve you.
    in other words… ignorant

    this specific breed of ignorant is the variety called “ignoramous reflexive brutii” when chalenged they puff up and attack.

  3. wearehugh October 4, 2012 at 7:29 pm #

    That sucks. But you, and your mom, are pretty wonderful. ♥

  4. Lens October 4, 2012 at 8:19 pm #

    Kirsten, this particular breed of ignorant is called “Republican.” And I hope Sally’s curse comes true to this “person.” And i’ll add that this Thing (it isn’t human) lingers long enough to see her accounts, and the accounts of her loved ones, run dry trying to prevent her eventual demise.

    No excuse for this. Ever.

    • Sally-Rouge October 4, 2012 at 10:04 pm #

      Actually, my mom informs me that this lady was a Libertarian. Go figure.

    • hswoolve October 5, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

      err … no. The breed of ignrance the heartless coward espouses transcends petty labels like “Democrat” “Republican” “Libertarian” It is rooted in selfishness and sown with a hearty dose of “NIMBY”
      In other words, the person is a jerk.

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