Tag Archives: family

…*IF* you can pull it off.

7 Dec

I’ve been sitting on this for at least a week now. The truth is, I don’t really know what to say. Of all the things I’ve written about in this blog, my marriage to my best friend and our future together as writers was sort of the main topic. Now neither one of those things is going to happen.

The how and why of the matter aren’t that important, and are hardly the topic for a blog post. All anybody needs to know is that I had my reasons for ending both relationships, and I don’t wish her any ill will. We are not on speaking terms, but I hope that in the future when things have settled that might change. Above all else, I wish her happiness and great success in all her future endeavors – both in love and art.

But what about me? Where do I go now? What do I do?

I’m happy to say that in spite of the emotional roller-coaster of the past two weeks, I am still writing. The Midsummer Prophecy was always my idea, going back almost twenty years now, so I will continue to work on it solo. In the past two weeks I’ve made leaps and bounds moving forward with the short story collection, and I have every intention of still honoring the early-2013 release date. (Please check out the website for updates.)

I’m also happy to announce that I am beginning the process of moving to Southern California with my family. After “Superstorm” Sandy and the nor’easter a week later, it was decided that I cannot continue to live in New Jersey. Southern California offers a better climate and all the cutting-edge research for fibromyalgia is taking place there. So that’s where we’re going. It may take us a year to make it all happen, but we have begun the process of relocation.

I have a lot to focus on and keep me busy in the upcoming months. I can’t pretend I’m sorry about that. Distractions are welcome right now…

Sometimes Life throws us a curveball, or gives us lemons, or a million other metaphors for sucking hardcore. We have no control over it. Shit happens, simple as that. But what we do have control over is how we react to that shit. Do we take it on the chin, or go crazy from it? Conduct ourselves with grace and class, or get drunk and act like an idiot? I’m not saying it’s an easy choice, but the older I get and the more I learn, the more I realize it’s one of the only truly free choices we’ve got!

For my part, I’m doing my best to handle this with grace and to stay true to my dreams, even if some of them feel too broken to save right now. Nobody is perfect, and I have no doubt that I’ll make plenty of mistakes as I go, but I hope that in end I’ll be able to look back on my life without any regrets and say I lived my dreams. Hopefully when I look back on this time period in my life, it will have been one of bittersweet transitions that helped me grow into the person I want to be.

I look forward to the next chapter of my own adventure!

To The Heartless Coward Who Took It To My Mother

4 Oct

I’m not sure where to begin. By and large, as far as I can tell or track it across the internet, the response to my blog has been positive. Though I haven’t written many posts, I have put a lot of myself into what’s there, and I think people respect my honesty and willingness to share my incredibly unique perspectives. The most amazing aspect of the entire process has been watching the spiderweb of sharing as friends of friends share my posts with their friends. I can’t see where it’s going, and I definitely can’t track it past my own blog, but I can see the number of times it’s been shared, and it truly humbles me.

One of my number one sharers has been my mom. She is so phenomenally proud of me! I know because she tells me so constantly. The crazy lady even went as far as to share my post about marrying my best friend on George freakin’ Takei’s facebook!! She is one very proud mama. Anybody who ever talks to her knows that her children are her pride and joy and among her greatest accomplishments in life (although I’m sure she’s going to argue with me later when she reads this and tell me we ARE her greatest accomplishments, personally I feel the PhD counts a bit, too).

So why on Earth someone who has known her for twelve years, and witnessed (albeit mostly through pictures and stories) my own transformation from bubbly, pudgy, active, outgoing young woman, to timid, agoraphobic, frail, mostly-bedridden woman, would feel the need to insult, disrespect, and hurt my mother…I cannot fathom. And yet, it happened this morning. A delightful woman tried to get my mom to agree with her politically, which my mom didn’t and instead shared my blog as an example of why she feels as she does. Instead of respectfully disagreeing, this woman got nasty and cruel. Mom won’t tell me exactly what was said, but the “clean” version is that she told my mother I “wasn’t sick enough to deserve SSDI”, also saying that Social Security was a drain on the system and therefore so was I. She also equated my engagement to my best friend of twenty years to marrying a dog.

Whether or not that’s how she felt, I don’t know on what planet it is EVER acceptable to be that cruel, or to attack a mother’s love and pride of their children. We all meet people that we don’t really like, or whose lifestyles we don’t necessarily agree with, but that disagreement doesn’t give ANYBODY the right to be cruel! Needless to say, by the time I woke up this morning, several hours after this exchange had happened, my mother was utterly and completely crushed.

I had some rather choice words for that woman on my personal Facebook page, which I won’t repeat here, except for this part. I wish I had your address so I could write this out in my own hand and mail it to you, so you could physically hold my words and let them touch you. Better yet, I wish I had the strength to come to your house and say it to your face. But I don’t. So this will have to suffice.

To the coward who took it upon herself to do this stupid, heartless thing, I wish you only this:
Perfect, unending health for you and all your loved ones. Because clearly you come from the kind of family that would turn their backs on you if you ever became as chronically ill as I have. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family and friends who will do everything in their power to help me, but I get the feeling all you’ve got is your money. Medical bills suck up money like a desert to a cup of water, and even if it didn’t…. a stack of twenties ain’t gonna hold your hand when you’re scared in the hospital, sweetheart.